Anticipation 07/30/17

I would lay and wait,
Like I normally do,
Imagine the comfort of the door slam,
Like I normally would,
Smell the ash from your uniform before your foot even fell to the floor.

Laying and waiting,
For your loving arms that never love,
To see your voice,
Feel your face,
Breathe in your sent, an ungodly aroma,
And then for you to not say a single word and walk out on me again,
The anticipation had me dreaming,
Whilst I lay drowning,
Drowning in the worry of tomorrow.

You fed my fear of another piece of my heart shattering like shards of glass that glisten innocently like tinsel,
Into your wrapped world of so called love and anger,
A cocktail of emotion,
I wished to never encounter,
Where are you now?
I don’t know you never answer.

Laying and waiting,
Hoping and praying,
Since I am just alone,
I do what I normally do on these dreadful evenings,
Put the kettle on,
But incidentally pour myself a vodka,
Sit by the back door,
Like I normally would,
Breathe in the toxic smoke,
Like I normally did,
Sit by the telephone,
For the call that never calls and a text that never comes.

The anticipation had me dreaming,
Whilst I sat drowning,
In the mist of another evening,
Knowing I was getting nowhere,
And you were going everywhere,
How long must I lay and wait?

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