how it ended …

You stood in the kitchen,

Arms leant over the sink,

but no pot or pan left to clean,

A surprise for such a loud household,

Stood by the wash pile,

Knees leaning in towards the cupboard,

I stood in the alcove if the door into the kitchen,

You turned,

I looked at you like I was looking in the mirror of a man who had aged a year in a day.

You walked over,

I thought you would kiss me,

It was killing me inside I was so excited to be near you after the events but at the same time so terrified of your presence.

What came next swallowed me whole and in my head I began to throw up and wanted to scream and violently destroy the house, I wanted to scratch at my skin until it bled, I wanted to drink until my insides where sore.

I repeated all these emotions not once but twice because the first time I didn’t really believe it and I thought it was just one of those games.

Look into my eyes I said. Look into my eyes if you mean it you will look into my eyes and not look away.

You forced your face forward into mine with anger. I always loved it when you was angry your glasses raised with your eyebrows.  I thought I could always tell when you fed me a lie.

You said ‘ I don’t love you’

I said ‘fuck off …tell me again look into my eyes if you mean it’


I couldn’t even feel myself in the same room as you anymore. I couldn’t work out what precise day it was, year or time. I was so confused, shocked and consumed by this hole beneath me.

‘why?’ I asked.

‘I just don’t’

You’ve been gone 3 years.


One thought on “how it ended …

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