2nd of August 2015
‘the guitar’
Dear ………
Hey, its been a long week and I’ve not really seen anyone for a long time. Mark is always at work he’s been staying on till 4, 5am in the morning. This is causing a lot of issues between us. I’m about 85% sure that his work place closes about 12:30.
It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been lied to. I know he sneaks to people’s houses and goes of to get drunk, and high or both. Our baby is about 6 months old now and I could really do with some support. I should be happy that today he has a day off work.
—–3pm
I put the kettle on and we both sat down to have a drink. I know he likes his tea sweet with just a dash of milk. He seemed happier today he even spontaneously decided to pick up the guitar and dust it off. I loved hearing him play the guitar it always made me feel at ease..
He been playing the guitar calmly asking me what I thought. The first conversation between us in over a week. I was sort of hoping he would open up about the time he spends out of the house or at least acknowledge how sad I’ve been feeling. Even a promise of a cup of tea in a cafe would be nice nothing amazing just so I could get out of the house. I’ve had stomach ache since I had baby and he doesn’t really notice he just shrugs me off or thinks I’m saying it so he work.
7pm
It’s bed time I’ve been trying to get the baby to sleep tryed to rock him relentlessly, but he just won’t go to bed. He’s had calpol, breastmilk, yoghurt, toys. I literally gave up. Mark came upstairs but after me asking 4 to 5 times. I know it’s his night off he’s busy playing yugio card games with his friends. But I really needed a partner tonight. I’ve not had much sleep with him staying on at work and baby won’t sleep.
Anyway, Marks taking over for the time being. So far it’s working… how can he not see that he has good potential to be a good dad.
10:30pm
Mark and his mates are now all stoned so if baby wakes up there is no chance of asking him again for any help….he’s at work he said for the next 5 days then is going to a work party. I know it’s his night off but I was sort of hoping it could have been my night off too.
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