I miss it,
But I’m so damn grateful that I’m so far away from that place,
I hate that I think of it,
But I know where I am,
I’m in such a safer environment,
It’s slightly distressing in the back of my memories,
The house was beautiful,
I imaged dancing holding wedding drapes,
Scrubbing off pieces of our wedding cake,
I miss it but it’s that part of my soul that needs to evaporator into the earth and never return,
I imagined raising our first child,
I watched them run in the garden,
All the seeds and flowers I watched them grow,
Nursed them as if I was a talented gardener,
But I had to leave all of that behind and that is was destroys me,
And as I look back in the memories of my mind.
I just see hate.
Blackness covering the garden.
Weed killer murdering the flowers.
And no child.
No wedding drapes.
The world can harbour evil,
Who am I to challenge it?
And although deep this may seem,
It is sometimes one last thought before I go to bed.
8th jan 2019