Letters you’ll never see 28th October 2019

Dear,

Theres no point writing your name because I know now for sure. I mean if I wrote your name it would surely just cause problems and people wouldnt understand.

I’ve decided that maybe it is time again to resubmit back into the lettersyoullneversee.

I started writing letters and poems in 2015, after almost 5 years of text messaging and ‘accidental bumps’ I had noone to talk to noone to confess to, my only and close friend was connected to me via a simple hello every month or so in the format of text messages. Followed by a brief update of how life was going.

It’s horrible now that’s come to a vast end. I never intend to cause any upset, I tend to often feel in the way of people and what’s happening. I tend to almost feel as if in living in a double life.

I remember when I was a primary school student and I was having a talk with my counsellor after school, my dad made space in the middle room for me to talk to them. I hated them I hated that they pestered me stopped me going off and playing, being a normal kid, evidently I wasnt a normal kid or my dad would have never gone to the lengths of paying for someone to talk to me. Didnt work.

I told her about this double life I felt I had , one with my mum one with my dad, separate, different hard to adjust.

I was told that was an incorrect. But I think as a child there was no really wrong or right way to think.

I realise I may have been selfish, you my have seen me as needy and now yet again I’ve lost someone who I truely connected with. No amount of pitty partying will change anything now and no amount of letters will correct anything.

But maybe these letters are not only to you but to myself, letters I wish I read time before now.

Sincerely,

Lilyth Rebecca Ophilea Coglan

P.s

I hate telling the DWP my whole name when I have to go through security. It feels degrading.

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