I was getting really anxious, we had been talking for a few weeks. We sat together in the living room, I was nervous. I knew it was coming but I couldn’t get my head around it.
I could smell you, feel you, you was a real person.
We flicked through the TV nothing really worth watching and we both both didn’t really want to watch TV anyway.
Not an illusion.
You had feelings, you was feeling, talking, a moving person.
I’d become so accustom to internet interaction.
Faceless conversations, angry outburst, head fucks.
You was you and I was I and there was no one judging us, it was a moment of complete silence, a symphony.
Our collaboration, delicate, ceramic, porcelain.
I was anxious.
Heart palpitating, hands slippery, eyes facing anything but you.
I was scared but also happy.
Trying to tell myself it’s ok, you can trust him.
You can be yourself.
He didn’t take the beard thing too personally I mean, I told him I wasn’t a huge fan, this was not me telling him to shave, or maybe it was, other people have agreed with me they aren’t massive fan on beard snogging. I didn’t want to change him if that was him then that was him.
I mean no one was about to do anything crazy.
When I swung open the door after hearing a little tap on frame.
The beard was, gone.
You may think I didnt notice body language very well for all this time.
Oh boy, I knew.
So, it’s ok.
He was smiling, smirking his little face shined, eyes wide.
Returning to the sofa, I saw his face in the corner of my eyes…