Theres always a noise when I lay in bed. The boiler brimming, the fan in the bathroom, children waking up in the middle of the night. Cars going past the window, the automatic room spray in the living room.
It feels like my head cant shut off all the noise, the noise is like a memory or thought, constantly going, running.
Middle week is always hard especially in winter, late nights, early mornings, pressure to have a perfect house clean and fulfilling for the children. I’m not OCD or anything it’s probably a habit I have had since being young when having my eldest.
Visitors came and they needed to know the house was sparkling. I had other priorities too like getting to college and attempting my A levels.
Visitors needed to see the house was in order, I didnt invite these visitors and if visitors come again I’d probably be thankful if my house was in order as a precaution. You never know how strict peoples mind sets are. If I left the milk out dirty laundry on the floor what if they automatically assumed that meant I need their assistance to keep bothering me? (I dont believe that now I may have done in the past, although its something they do note take! It feels like an absolute invasion on your life)
As my counselor puts it, I’ve not had much peace in my life. That was almost 7 years now, ‘the visitors’. Those type of visitors although I had a similar experience a year ago.
Now I’m praying for a bit of peace in my life, and not entirely from any fault of my own that these things happen. It’s just not the best kick start.
Sometimes you have to take things slowly…even if you have a million thought ideas, racing.