Give me a break.

I think the state of everything just makes us all want to scream, ‘Give me a break!’, we had the worst election turn out in the winter in the UK. Austerity growing increasingly worse, people struggling for basic needs and in the heart of all this we now have a virus pandemic. 

The many people that I was or have been meeting all have complex lives, with lots going on in them. I can only imagine how they must be feeling, after spending years, even months learning to get out the house again because of mental health or other reasons.

I know how that feels, at one point I couldn’t even go inside a shop because I was so scared, I couldn’t get on the bus because I was so anxious, and I wouldn’t be seen in a nightclub because I was self critical, and that is just how I am I know that the people who care about me allow me to take my time and are there for me no matter how I am, and even if that is just one person that’s fine.

Sometimes all you need is a little bit of hope, and if you’re reading this and you feel like you don’t have that, I am so sorry, please stay strong because it will come, and whilst you are waiting for that one friend, or person please learn to self love, self care and look after yourself!

I don’t know if I have a mental illness I will never know I don’t think, I asked my doctor for support in January and he basically said that “sometimes having a label isn’t needed and you don’t need to know”, however I feel I need to know so that I can understand whatever it is so I can learn to stay better longer, access the support in my local community and university, other than having these moments of sadness that never ends and we all know how that can lead to and then happiness that feels so intense I want to cry.

Probably a mixture of things, I know right now a lot of it is environmental for me. I know that I will be mocked and bullied on and off throughout my life and I have come to a point where I don’t give a shit so go ahead. 

If you are here with me and reading, please know that it will come back to you, things always find a way. Being lonely is never easy but once you get going you’re never alone. 

What I mean by this is once you start to accept that lonely feeling, and try and move on to something else like reading or writing or if you go for a walk have a look around see what you see, see what you feel. 

We are all only human and I have always thought that from what we learn, feel and see, we can always make it into art or eventually we can always clear our heads and make the right choices in the end. We have very strange ways and I always say there is a lot of effort and time into making peace with the lost, but now we need to make peace with the living. 

If we are to live full and fulfilling lives, we need to find and keep looking or hoping for what we feel is good for us.

Maybe that means it’s time to call your friend, make up with your mother in law, make sure that you make time to sit with your children, and make a crappy disgusting dinner. Use this time that we are all in to find out what you want, what you need, what makes you happy. 

That’s all we can do, sometimes little things can help you recollect yourself, don’t feel scared by time, because there is still a lot of it, and we will have some left after this nightmare. 

And continual praise and thanks to all the staff working in the hospitals all around the world and thanks to all the staff in the NHS, in the shops schools, our social workers, everyone. Thank you to everyone who is listening to the guidelines and taking care.

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