nothing

my worth to you

is nothing

i am worthless in your eyes

my heart a fool

it should never have flickered

pushed off a high storey building

my feelings plummet to the rocky ground

is that what you want for me ?

there’s enough misery around

i wanted to write about how song birds

made me feel elevated

how the sun always reminds me of your presence

how deeply madly crazy i am the longer you deprive me of love

how softly gently i want to hold your hand

i have done enough grieving and rummaging

but i fucked up

now what is the world without love

i crave so tiresomely

a soft gentle whisper

Telling me it’s ok I’m ok I’m alive still

Hope arrives and never stays for long enough

I should not be surprised

I crave, a soulful reassurance, a tender arm, I pray for better days.

I close my eyes, and dream of your arms, around me,

Your arm around me

Arms around me

That’s the comfort

I convinced myself

I need to fall into a safe sleep

I hate waking up

Knowing I won’t see you tomorrow

I won’t hear from you tomorrow

And tomorrow is never going to really happen

then a child

I would scream and cry

Knowing that one day the world would deprive me of my fathers love

Being told that my parents would go before me

I was 10

It was the most horrendous pain

I didn’t want to be parentless

Years of reassurance

For it to all go so terribly wrong

Now a woman

No good for anyone

To stay long enough to understand me

I dream of calm wind

Drift through the curtains

Onto my bare back

As I sleep

the sun air is gentle

A silent breeze

you are just a message a way

you are just a step away

A silent breeze

now one wonders

what acts of love

have really happened

as I see no actions

I love you

worthless words that mean absolutely

Nothing

the conclusion is

I must part the life I’ve witnessed

Begin again

the best I can

until he sees

I am not a worthless woman

One thought on “nothing

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