when will you

when will you realise
that I’m only here
by your side
drowning inside your lies
burry me deep in your eyes
when will you open your mind
see im sat
I’m by your side
treat me like a piece of dirt
rub my face in shit
until I’m hurt
why is it not enough
that
I’m around you
and I sell my love
why is it not good enough
that
the things I continue to put up
all the damage that you do
why do you keep putting me through?
when will you be a friend?
when will you be a friend?
when will you be
a
friend.

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the first time

Trigger warning: domestic abuse
the first time… the first time,
was the worst time,
almost, forgiven.
in a place where people,
associated,
normalise,
turn you away,
it will be ok!
but its not OK!
I felt your hand on my skin,
and my body froze,
my arm it clenched,
and my stomach wretched,
it wont happen again… then a shove,
a push,
a deliberate nudge,
knocked me further back… it hurt more… knowing the one person… who is supposed to be by your side,
is attacking your side,
pushed up against the wall,
shoved hard on to the floor,
your sorry!
your sorry!
but I can’t take anymore from anybody.

just like the first time,
I’m stuck in a loop of absolute shock,
why did you hurt me?
and in my head,
my body deserts me,
I am defenseless,
and see no point in telling somebody else,
to see if they will attempt to stop you too,
because the more people know,
the more they abandon me,
like you’ve abandoned me.

the first time,
just like the first time,
feels and hurts and is sore like the first time,
and the emotional scars,
allow the last time to feel like the first time,
I’ve accepted that healing takes time,
in the end it maybe fine,
but the images and the knowledge that it happend,
stays with you,
like the first time.

My Man

My Mans words are sharper than a knife, his sharp tongue slides along an envelope of my Mans anger,

Sealing in words no being or creature would ever wish to hear,
but… My Man will not hurt you,
although you may feel your stood on a small patch of island surrounded by sea,
Desert you.
My Man is hurt,
My Man is stung,
My Man is mad with the way things begun,
My Man will echo all day how he feels, 
My Man has nothing he can take for it to heal, 
My Man will break before he hits the wheel, 
In rage my Man will drive along the road with red in his eyes

and

My Mans destiny is no surprise,

because my Mans fire deep inside,

is rawer than ever and

he

drives

and

drives

and

drives. 

I will never know when my man will hit the line. 

My Man will never commit a crime, 
but my Man is hard to reach,
and along the turf you hear a screech.
The brakes slam.

he is calm. 

A disguise

Your a disguise

When your infront of my eyes

Bring me up to the hight of a kite

Leave me cold in the dead of the night

A man in a boys body

Dress smart but live for a hoodie

You could cry in my arms

I wouldn’t mind that

And take off the disguise

Don’t worry,

I won’t tell nobody.

 

 

 

It’s ok

It’s ok, to not feel ok

It’s ok, not to be ok

It’s ok, that your not feeling alright

It’s ok, that your feeling lonely tonight

It’s ok, if you doubt everything you do

It’s ok, if you think you’ll never be the better version of you

It’s ok, to feel like you won’t ever get back up

It’s ok, if you feeling like you’ve had enough

It’s alright, don’t worry, I will reassure you

Don’t panic, it’s safe, where we are right here

Take shelter with me

I could tell you things and repeatedly tell you until you believe.

Why won’t you believe?

That it’s ok you don’t have to do this alone.

All the words I wish you told me when I put my foot back through your door.

Dreams

He said

Dreams are dreams and are not true
I said
They are if your here and I’ll share them with you!
He said
Dreams are dreams they will never happen
I said
Don’t be so negative you can reach out and grab em!
He said dreams are dreams don’t get your hopes so high…
And I said
If I don’t dream, I will never learn to fly.

This image is my own

Taught

I don’t know what you taught him

but his morals are so fucked up

he just doesn’t give a fuck

about anyone

he doesn’t care if he hurts her

he doesn’t care if he’s unfair

he’s a bully

and you protect him from the reality of reality

because you want to be mummy

25 years old you think his hearts fucking gold

but hes stone fucking cold

laughs at her hurts

laughs at her cuts hers scars

why couldn’t you just teach him

hold him and preach to him

that a woman is precious

shown him what love was

why’d have to raise a beast

He thinks everyone should kiss his feet

To shout and scream is just no way to treat

A mother of his child.