I carried ‘me’

(sorry this is an angry poem… but the moral is that you have your back no matter what don’t fall on someone else always look after yourself! 🙂

I carried me

I have this
horrible
gut feeling
that something more
is coming
no way did I frighten you?
seriously?
you didn’t seem frightened or terrified when you was trying to put your tongue down my throat
you didn’t seem scared or terrified when you was trying to get me to sleep over
you didn’t seem worried or petrified when I knock on your door
you didn’t seem scared or cared when you offered to take me back home!
I carried me!
I carried me!
you was nowhere to be found
I carried me!
I carried me!
I put my feet back on the ground

I have this horrible gut feeling
that something is about to happen
I want to prevent it but I just can’t seem to handle
you really think I’d make this up and go out all my way
do you really think I believe your shit that you didn’t like me because you thought that you was gay?
burry me in lies and things I would never dream or do
as long as your back is clear for you to carry on and pursue
and if she is non the wiser than fool her and fool you
I carried me!
I carried me!
you was nowhere to be found.
I carried me!
I carried me!
I put my feet back on the ground.
I carried me!
I carried me!
you was up there smoking crap
I carried me!
I carried me!
you took my heart now give it back

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faceless in my dreams

you come to me faceless

every night for the last 3 nights
you come to me same words
I scream
‘stop it stop it come back
please ‘
my voice drifts off into the breeze

I collapse my feet give up
the night draws in. the doors are shut. the room in spins into another memory
I grow to forget of you and me.

every night for the last 3 nights
I’ve been in a struggle,
in a fight.
to go to sleep to close my eyes
incase I see you by surprise
just like you’ve gone
just like you’ve died
I just want to be by your side
but I’m just a waste of space
and im your sour aftertaste.

stop visiting me faceless in my dreams
stop talking to me please
stop showing up and haunting me
I’m trying to forget our memory
stop visting me faceless in my dreams
it’s to much for me to see
I can’t escape in the day it seems
what would the next option be at least?

anxiety my chains

Anxiety my chains
.
I’m shy,
but not really,
smile,
but I’m                  secrectly,
crying.
I’m laughing!
silent,
but I’m chatting!
.
I’m shy,
but not really.
I’m cold,
and im needy.
the
attention
you
give
me
smokes
like
fire
in my belly.
and im ready,
when your ready…
slow  ,
but I’m steady,
quick,
and on edge,
anxiety.
my chains
just want to feel,’normal’ again.
.

belongs to me

belongs to me
.
my body,
is for my enjoyment,
every strap,
every lace,
every mark,
beauty spot,
it belongs to me.
my body is,
MY temple,
and I will not give you one piece!
if I choose to share with you,
then you,
shall respect it,
as if it is your own,
it is not for you to comment,
I will not be objectified,
sexualised,
or demonised,
I do things for my own satisfaction,
no man, No other,
not for their joy,
entertainment,
my body it belongs to me.

You say the words I want to hear

 

(warning poem contains swears)

 

You say the words I want to hear.

Look, I don’t have time for all these games,
When we were younger it was easier,
And you probably didn’t intend to,
But this time it is meaner, and I want to attend to,
The harm you’ve inflicted,
Before I become addicted.

Please don’t act like you give an interest,
We all know who gives zero fucks around here,
Please don’t say you’d come to me and rescue me,
We all know who talks shit around here,
Just please don’t act like you give an interest.

Even though it breaks my heart,

I’ve turned a corner for a fresh start.

I can’t die twice in your arms.

and I cant keep being harmed.

we all know you give zero fucks around here.

i’d give love, for arms

right now
I’d do anything
I’d give my self away
just to be heard again

right now
I’d do anything.
I’d steal
I’d beg
I’d plead
just to get this one thing that I need.

right now
I’d be more than happy
to offer, all my life
for love it has no price
not just a sacrifice
leave a sour taste for afterlife
and I know its not much in return
and I don’t think I will ever learn
but I would give my whole
pour all my heart and soul…

I’d give love,
just for your arms.

gone

it’s really starting to hit home
that your gone.. and I’m alone
and I hate this selfish feeling for need,
its unsettling me,
that your gone,
and the memories…
all muddled into one,
become fog,
like we never ever met,
seems wrong,
I hate it,
its horrible,
we can’t and dont talk,
and I go around in circles in my head all day,
telling myself all the bad,
making it sound good.

To the friends at jobcenter; please get a waiting room for families and children.

In February/ March time I was rocky on my feet and needed to start up a new life and new claim , and carry on my journey to attempting to revisit my degree which I hope to be doing later this year. It was 30mph record winds and I had arrived early at the centre with my 7 month old daughter and 3 year old son. He was cold and shivering so I went inside the job center only to be told to get out and that I’m not allowed to stand inside and that they took away the waiting room. So this is a poem based on a bad time, and a stinky attitude.
*
You can kick me out on my arse,
Make a deal,
Make a farce,
Make me look like I’m a mess!
A waste of space, a waste of breath,
You can chuck me out on my arse!
You can make me look like I’m useless,
But take it out on my kids,
My Baines,
You’ll see a woman, that you’ve made,
I scrape and scrimp, I raise and wimp,
A generation for the next tax profiting chimps,
You think I’m dumb,
No, I’ve had enough,
Now get a waiting room made for us!
Make us stand in freezing cold,
To sign on for money that I have been told,
I must claim whilst I’m on a break,
I’m sick,
Disabled,
Just child birthed,
And if you haven’t heard,
Marriage is dying off!
Men seem to get off lightly?
And this is what disturbs me slightly!
That you can,
You can kick me out on my arse!
Make a deal,
Make a farce,
Make me look like I’m a mess!
A waste of space, a waste of breath,
You can chuck me out on my arse,
You can make me look like I’m a waste,
But take it out on my kids!
My Baines ,
You’ll see a woman that you’ve made…

I’ll get you through

She held my hair softly,
Straightens at the ready,
It will be ok,
Everything will be fine!
Laugh a smile.

I will get you through.
I got you.

She peered over the garden wall,
Brew to hand never cold,
It will be ok,
Everything will be fine!
Laugh a smile.

I will get you through,
I got you.

She recieved my text essay,
Oh how my life has started to get messy,
She might be far, but always there,
Don’t worry,
Everything will be ok,
Everything will be fine.

Text a smile.

I will get you through.
I got you.

These streets

These streets:

No one knows about these streets,
Raising kids among these streets,
Drugs and alcohol, bare feet,
Lonely animal,
These streets,
No one cares about these streets,
All up and down, in these streets,
Don’t cross their path, these streets,
Negative energy, feel weak.

Council meetings about these streets,
Rubbish flying round,
Nice treats.

Push you to the ground,
these streets,
Money drives the crowd,
these streets,
Do not make a sound,
In these street.

… look what I have found
To anxious to be about
In these streets
Spare a little change
And everything stays the same….

Welcome to the avenue.

sunny now

now…

its sunny now.

I hope you thought about me,

the winter has faded away,

its strange you didn’t stay,

I live another day.

it’s sunny now,

and I miss the conversations,

delayed, deliberations,

heart racing kisses,

surely love grows more,

beneath the sun?

and I look out,

for you.

I snuck out,

for you,

I fell over,

bruised,

just to lose,

I’m a fool.

it’s, sunny now, the winters faded, and I’m just glad infact I’ve made it! and I wish you was here to feel it too, the beautiful sun shine on our faces, feels like it has been ages…

I will look out for you