The zombie apocalypse

The knotted ropes of our love knitted
tighter,
Closer ,
Harder to break,
Doors shut, boarded,baracaded ,bolted.
I don’t think we have been here yet…
I don’t think we have even met.
Noone can reach us or hurt us in here,
The world doesn’t even know we are alive.
Windows closed tightly,
Pinned, sealed,
And We don’t need to see the sky to see the stars,
We’ve chalked them in white above the ceiling,
No light is brighter than daylight,
And no night is darker than the what we have inside,
Stronger than ever before,
Noone can damage or break down these walls,
And the zombies,
That try to peal off the corners of the broken pieces of the window ledge to climb in and eat us as we lay in bed,
Won’t make it.
We’re safe.
So you tell me.
It’s been 3 days so how on Earth will we make it?
Tins of spaghetti hoops and baked beans,
The taps are tightened off,
14 Litters of water stand, for now.
Stronger than ever before…
we have been forced to keep each other alive,
Driving ourselves into insanity;
It had to take the end of the world to see,
That we are supposed to be,
And at last you gave in to try the things you refused to try,
Because in the end we’re gonna die,
A zombie will eventually infect us,
Or we will ultimately starve,
Least we’re not arguing about who’s phone should be on charge,
Waiting for day 4 to great us,
But right now nothing can defeat us.

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Three

Taking care of three little people
Every single day
Abandoned by the fathers
Who didn’t pull their weight
And even when they’ve done wrong
And they’ve walked away
They still don’t even help to pay the three little people’s way
Frequently I’ve been asked in counselling
Who is their for me ?
Cast a shadow of the man who should be next to me
Instead my belly rattles an empty stomach of the woman I ought to be
I’m tired of this lucid figure
I feel like I can’t win
Three little people here they are and here they have been born
It just seems like there’s such an empty space of a place where I should be sharing their story more….
It’s the hand that the earth has dealt im helpful for this chance
3 little people holding on
And take on their mothers hand.

you are beautiful

I am beautiful….
and I am here
alive
and functioning
each organ like each nut and bolt on an engine
keep them fresh keep them healthy
and they will keep running
no steam will heat off them today
I am alive
I am not a bot
I am a being
capable of love and emotion
of understanding
intelligent
and caring
a person
and I am beautiful
so are you!

Image by Juraj Bezak

I’m in love

I told you I’m in love with you
You said that’s nice to know
That it’s warming and your touched by it
But I really have to go
*
I TOLD YOU IM IN LOVE WITH YOU
But you shrugged your shoulders slow
It was killing me the whole time not telling you
And even more so now you know
*
I felt the whole room drown me
Grab my legs and surround me
Floods of tears an army
You said you wouldn’t harm me
And now I’m left, I’m starving
For love that never started
Walk mountains the earth’s departed
But now I’m broken hearted.
*
I told you I’m in love with you …
And now I just regret it
My whole stomachs regurgitated
Did you actually give a shit?
*
For this is the karma I have to feel
For years I made you wait
And now I have to deal with this
I hope it’s just a faze.
*
And I couldn’t end the end like this
But I have no choice anymore
I’m fucking done with waiting up
No answers on my phone
*
I care for you so much it hurts
But you can’t forgive the mistakes I’ve done
Like we haven’t all ….
I feel like I can’t walk anywhere
My body can’t even crawl.
*
I TOLD YOU IM IN LOVE WITH YOU
But you shrugged your shoulders slow
It was killing me the whole time not telling you
And even more so now you know
*

@lilythrebecca

January 9th 2019

can’t win

cant win
~
damaged
only slightly
waiting for                     a might be
could be
should be
hideous in the                   day time
hidden in the                                 dark…

solution

solution 💔
I don’t like feeling like this
and everything seems to go… when we kiss,
what if the next time you don’t recognise me,
I’m just on repeat heartache,
I don’t really know if there is much point in writing, in sharing,
I just thought it was part of caring,
Part of my head knows what ever it was is all gone,
but then another part wants to correct all the faults,
why does it seem,
like the only solution to stop all of this,
is your kiss
🖤

almost out my system

Almost out my system

Its been awhile now
51 days to be exact
I know I’ve been rushing the pain
rubbing all the scratches away
it’s ok to hurt
I see, it’s fine to feel weak
and it’s been a journey
hell, I haven’t taken you with me
now, I’m ready for change
and I understand why you went far away as possible
if that’s possible
I still love you with all the fire in my belly
and im ready
whenever your ready
but I’m prepared to accept
that it will never be what I expect
I’m almost cured
I’m almost there
you’ll be glad to hear
your almost out my system.

 

painting Adrienne Egger

I had a baby book

Hi im a local writer, blogger from Hull and this year, I returned to my love of writing! Poetry and fiction.

I had been through terrible summer the year before 2017 my grandad died and I took on some of his care (moving him into care home struggling to get him in a nursing home and he was unfortunately not cared for, for all his needs, in the end passed away sepsis, heartattack he also had symptoms of alzheimer’s) all on top of starting a Law degree and a relationship coming to an abrupt end.
Then a traumatic Labour in 2018 followed by emergency surgery and a legal battle between a very nasty landlord.

My gallbladder had become infected, inflamed and needed to be removed before almost rupturing. I was told all in the space of 5 hours I had to make the choice to have surgery or ultimately I’d die, rewinding 3 weeks before this I was sat infront of health care workers in the hospital telling me I was mentally unwell and making this pain up, I was sat infront of a mental health psychiatrist asking if I’d ever kill myself or harm my children all because I was telling them I had a significant amount of pain that they couldn’t diagnose, at that point my daughter was 1 week old. (I wasn’t mentally ill I was physically sick and had infection)

Back to surgery : I’d rushed into a and e, I’d just given birth 4 weeks prior, breastfeeding, 2 children at home. If things couldn’t get much worse, after surgery and returning home.

I was then told to leave my home in an illigal eviction battle, about a live wire that had been snaking in the garden for almost the whole of the tenancy agreement. Was then stuck on the front paper of the HULL daily fails front cover after been told I would most likely be a small feature, the headlines completely changed and given the wrong message so I was then set back again, baby, surgery, in search of a home.

Before I had my daughter I was attending sessions at the House of Light in Hull that specialises in care for those who have experienced traumatic births, postnatal depression. 3 years before falling pregnant I’d had an awful experience having my son. Thus counselling and cbt was to have me in the mindset for having a natural birth, and preparing for hospital. However when it all came around I was met with the huge mammoth tasks and experiences.

I took a chance: I’ve taken a chance to share my poetry and writing with the world and I have 3 books already in mind and drafting, I always loved writing at school as a GCSE and A level, I had so much happening in my home life I didn’t push myself.

Ulitimatly anything can happen and I want you to know that it’s just as important to do something for you! Don’t let anyone tell you you can’t draw a picture, paint, write, sing, dance, perform, become successful. It takes practice but you can do it!

I’ve reduced for my chap book of poetry to the minum you can now grab your copy or download for free in the kindle store……

The paper backs that will be in the shops will all have the House of Light leaflets inside them in hope to help spread awareness about PND and the service in Hull. PND can affect both men and women.

Huge thankyou to thoose who have supported me, saved me and listened. I wouldn’t be here and still getting through it without the people in Hull.

Thanks to those who have agreed to have the book in their shops and cafes:

Bean and Nothingness (whitefriargate)

The Zoo Cafe (newland Ave)

Possithive (prospect centre)

https://www.amazon.co.uk/I-had-baby-Lettersyoullneversee-1/dp/1072462672/ref=mp_s_a_1_5?keywords=I+had+a+baby+lilyth&qid=1561186162&s=gateway&sr=8-5

French lesson poem from secondary school

Just a little micropoem :
I was a day dreamer at school, bullied, unfortunate events at home and in a mind of my own. Instead of doing french I would happily write in my text books poems.

Close your eyes,

In the pouring rain,

Does it feel like yesterday?

Feel the sun escape,

Does it feel like your awake?

See the sky change from green to blue,

Does it feel like something new?

Close your eyes in the pouring rain,

Does it feel like yesterday?

journey back to home

your gone,
all communications lost
yet again, I’m blocked
and I deliberately made this happen
replaced the love with hate.
just so that you’d go away,
and now I am afraid its actually happend,
but also relieved that I don’t have to keep going through the same cycle, of you trying to get me to be someone, I’m not.
I’m still waiting for the side effects to wear off,
and still washing my skin twice,
when I get in the shower,
I should be relieved that I’ve broken the control,
but I’m feeling abit wobbly,
unsure of where to go,
I guess that it is time for me to go back on my journey,
to really finding home.